walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Please don't give away my fajitas
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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