Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
