That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
