So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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