U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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