just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
