my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
