I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize