You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
