Please, let me fuck your mom
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
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Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?