This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.