hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
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During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
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YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.