Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
this boner is exhausting
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.