There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
