hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
