I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
