please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
