Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
