This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You need a sexual gate keeper
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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