we're chasing vodka with high fives
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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