just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
