It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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