I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
