I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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