I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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