i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
