Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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