IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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