apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
