I think my vagina is haunted
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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