the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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