wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
