I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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