Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
