bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
