K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
