Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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