What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Damn victory sex feels great
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
