my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
