if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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