Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
