Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
