The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
