I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
