I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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