Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
