i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
