i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
