watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Text me some of your sweat
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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