my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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