do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
