weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
