ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
