it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
