she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
