What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
