Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
