ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
