I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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