Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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