proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize