went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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