I will die if light touches me.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
