these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
