who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
