im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Green mimosas i think yes
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
